What does Dad have?

Well, we call it alzheimer, and due to his young age (63) it's categorized as early onset alzheimer, but one doctor said it looks like it really is multi infarct dementia (a.k.a. MID).

(Another doctor told us last week that you can only surely diagnose Alzheimer disease by autopsy.)

Not that it makes the pain or burden any easier... the symptoms are exactly the same... but now you know.

Responsibility

Responsibility.

Some are born with it.
Some are not.
And they never take it upon themselves.

We're 6 siblings.
Some live closer, some are far away.
Some have large families to take care of, some have smaller.
Some are right before / after childbirth, asome are not (the males... :-) ).

5 are evolved with caring for our parents, in various degrees.
1 is not.
Well, not quite not at all, but he doesn't take any initiative to do things, if he is not implicitly required.

Will he ever grow up?

Sleeping pills don't work

Started several weeks ago.

I got a phone call from dad's caregiver, John.

'We have a little problem; Dad isn't sleeping well at night'.

Turns out that he goes to sleep early (he always did, but not so early), wakes up several hours later to go to the bathroom.
Then John 'puts' him back to bed. (i.e. physically put's him back into bed. Dad lost his coordination, and can't get back into bed alone. Dad is not lightweight, and that doesn't make it an easy task.)

[And here the action starts:]

5 minutes later, dad is still lying in bed awake, and can't remember if he's already gone to the bathroom or not.
Dad get's out of bed.
'What do you want, dad?'
'I want to go to the bath room'.
'You just went to the bathroom'.
'I did?'
'Yes, you did'.
'OK. Then I guess I want to go back to bed'.

John physically put's dad back in bed.

5 minutes later, and dad is out of bed again.
'What do you want, dad?'
'I want to go back to bed'.
John physically put's dad back in bed.

5 minutes later...

you get the idea.

We already tried 3 types of sleeping pills. Either with no efect, or with opposite effect (they arouse dad...).

John collapsed.

We've been taking turn leaving our families for the night, and sleeping (or to be more accurate - not sleeping) in dad's place.

We're anxiously awaiting to see an Alzheimer specialist in several days.
John said he's counting the days (or is he counting the nights?) until the doctors appointment.

What's wrong with me?

Some of dad's latest quotes;

• "I find myself continuously having to prove to everyone that I'm normal".
• "Why do I need a caregiver? I can manage perfectly well without one".

I don't believe a single word

After visiting my dad the last time, I realized that there is a limit to how much shopping can John (the caregiver) do.

So, I went to my parents neighborhood, entered the local supermarket, and started walking around the store, trying to think what is needed and/or could be of use in my parents home.
I managed to fill a decent size shopping cart.

I checked out, paid, and had the goods delivered to my dad's home.

The shipment was supposed to arrive 4:00 PM, but arrived only 7:45, several minutes after arrived, to spend the night next to dad.

Dad heard the noise coming from the kitchen, as John & my brother were putting the goods away.

'What's going on?'

'I went shopping, and the delivery just arrived' I replied.

'I don't believe it.'

'Come,dad, You want to see for your own? Let's go to the kitchen, and I'll show you'.

I then dragged dad to the kitchen.

'What's going on?' he repeated.

'I went shopping, and the delivery just arrived' I replied. 'John and Kim are putting the goods away'.

'I don't believe a single word' was all that dad said.

to take dad, or not to take?

This Shabbat is my nephew's Bar-Mitzvah.

We've been planning this for a long time (almost 13 years...).

We've been planning the logistics of taking my parents for the past few months.
We kind of have it worked out.

But now someone raised the idea of not bringing dad along at all.

'He won't understand what's going on'.

'He won't remember there ever was supposed to a Bar-Mitzvah'.

I disagree.

Dad, as much as he doesn't understand and doesn't remember, he still has flashes of clarity.

If he does have a clarity flash, he'll be utterly insulted. And rightfully so.

True, it's tough on us, but I don't think we have a right to deny him of participating in a family simcha.

Who am I?

I came to visit my dad yesterday.

He was sitting on his bed in the bedroom, and heard someone enter.

'Who came?', he asked his caregiver.

'It's Abe', he answered.

'Who's Abe?' he asked...

To celebrate or not to celebrate?

Tomorrow is my parents 40th anniversary.

We had a hearty discussion if we should celebrate their anniversary, or totally disregard it.

My dad won't notice it.

My mom - she might forget it too, but on the other hand - she might be insulted if nobody mentions anything.

We've decided to compromise; No big celebrations, but rather - a gentle congratulations.

Caregiver for Shabbos

$370... (three hundred and seventy US dollars)!

That's the price tag for a caregiver for Shabbos!

Boy, was I surprised. I was expecting something more like $60-$100.

Dad needs a caregiver for Shabbos - his regular caregiver's day off. We tried convincing him to swap his day off to Sunday (as he originally preferred), but he insisted on keeping it on Shabbos (you can guess why...)

What are we going to do?
Can we afford it?
Can we afford not?

diapers

Diapers.

Used them for a decade for my children.

Looks like we'll have to soon start buying them in XXXL size.

For dad.

Psychiatric help

Does this strike a chord?

Dad has alzheimer. Mom has cancer

Dad has alzheimer.
Mom has cancer.

Neither of them can take care of them on their own anymore.

The burden falls on us, their devoted kids.

Of course, we are more than ready to lend a helping hand, and more than that.
It's a chance to return a little bit of the kindness and love that our parents bestowed upon us all of our lives. A chance to put to practice the commandment "Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother".

But it pains us to no end to see our parents slowly deteriorating, suffering terribly, and with no ability to help, other than to ease the pain a little.

Preface

This is going to be hard, But I decided to do it, nonetheless.

I need a place to pour out, in such a way that nobody is hurt.

Last night on the way home from work, I was about to stop my car in the forest, get out of the car, and yell a bit.
That's how I sometimes feel.
In the upcoming posts - you'll understand why.

I did not stop my car in the end. Why? Because of a basic understanding of how G-d runs this world. If He gave me these pains, then He also gave me the power and strength to cope & deal with them.